It's been a few months since tried bringing back the old fire in me to drawing comics. Sure, my lines were a bit rusty or stiff at first but it's ok. Had to to do some sketches whenever I have the time. I've been spending a lot of my time writing/covering sports and I've been doing that for 2 years now. This isn't the first time I attempted to make a comeback in comics. There was this art contest in 2009,I think, for video game characters. I joined but didn't make the cut. Of course, I was frustrated because I really wanted a shot on that book. I even a bit of email conversation with a certain artist handling that one. Maybe it's my fault for venting out my frustrations to him. I never meant it to end up that way.

I tried to forget what happened. So I just went back to my usual writing job. Then another contest for game characters opened again this year. I actually thought twice of joining because of fear that I may not be allowed join because that same artist might be handling it again. I joined anyway. It didn't matter to me who was handling the contest. I was really stoked on doing a piece for that. Sort of like redemption for me because I have a lot to prove to that artist. This time it was not about possibly getting a job there and certainly not about getting my piece published. It was simply showing about what I can really do as an artist. Nevermind if I get rejected just as long they got to see what I've done that's all.

As the deadline loomed closer, something hit me. I remembered what that artist told me before -- and he's right. He's right that my artworks aren't up to professional level. He's right that the attitude I showed him at the time would haunt me. He's right that I haven't drawn for a very long time. He's right that I deserve to join their contest. He's right that I can never take my drawing skills to the next level. HE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

So I didn't bother finishing up what I've started. I realized I wasn't ready for this -- to come back and draw again. I know I've had such bad luck in joining Art Contests but again, my main goal wasn't about winning or getting published -- it was about showing that artist that I've changed. I was ready to show him the change but my art isn't.

For now, I'ma pass on the contest. Instead of feeling bitter because I wasn't able to make the deadline, I'm actually glad I passed on it. And that felt good, honestly.

I'll just wait for the next opportunity to show what I can do. And when that day comes, I'ma be ready that's for sure. I look forward to seeing the tribute book when comes out in a few months and I congratulate those who have put their hard work in that contest and wish them the best.

If that artist ever reads this journal of mine, I would like to thank him for making me realize a lot of things. For changing my views in life and having a better understanding of it. Again, thanks.

On that note, I can now go back to my day job.

-Roy